I Let You Go
by Faz3 G
Summary: Severus have to give his son away for his own good. This fic describing the feeling Sev has and every thought he ever had all over his short life. MXM. M-preg. RLSS and SSHP as family. This is a family fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer **: I do not own Harry Potter. It belong to J.K. Rowling and I'm not make money with this fanfic.

**Pairing **: Remus/Severus, Severus/Harry as family

**Warning **: It contain M/M relationship and M – preg, so if you don't like yaoi please don't read it.

**Severus's POV**

_I'll do everything_

_I promised myself _

_I'll give everything_

The final day has comes, the war was broke on the Hogwarts' land. With the newly grown up children as their soldiers along with some Order members and aurors, Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, leaded them to the final stages of this war. A war between the good and the bad. Dark and Light. A path that will leaded you to the death embraces, no matter which side you are.

I looked at my surrounding, checking every Death Eaters around me as they put their mask and hood back as I standing here in the very right side of the Dark Lord. I looked aside to Lucius Malfoy, whose standing on the left side of the Dark Lord. He glanced shortly at me with a wistful glance, giving me a slight nod as a sign that he is ready to carry out our last plan on this war. To stop this long and tiring war.

Finally after this long waiting, the half of my life has been dedicated for this last war. Our suffering on our role as a double agent as we both protected the person we loved the most from the clutched of the Dark Lord.

His family for Lucius and my own family for me. Yes, a family that I never had a chance to grasped, to admit and to tell. A ruin family that I hold so dear in my heart. A long lost lover and son, my own son. A son whose I gave to my supposed to be rival and to my very dear bestfriend which I failed to protected from the grasped of the Dark Lord sixteen years ago.

A son which I had to shone by myself to protected him from the spies the Dark Lord sent to the school. A son that I had to scold with so much hatred and anger for his recklessness all this years when I found out he faced the Dark Lord by himself, every year. It killed me little by a little as the headmaster told me about his adventured around the school. I wished I could come to him by myself to lectured and punished him even explained what I mean by scolding him and why he shouldn't do that reckless attitude. I wished I could hug and kissed his pain away as he stayed on the hospital wing every year after he faces the Dark Lord again and again.

My heart clenched everytime I saw his loneliness when he's been sent away to the Dursley's house every year. I always argue with the headmaster to take my baby away from them, send him to a better family. I don't even mind to let him go to the Weasley as long as it make him happy even if I have to give you to Black. I cried everytime I let him go again and again to a family that never had any relation with him since the beginning. To acknowledged that my baby has been abused and starve. I wished I could hex them even _avada _kedavra them all by myself and take him away, never let him go again. My only son and my little jewel who held the half piece of my heart. My only reasoned why I keep on my espionage to the Dark Lord, finding as much clue as I could to protected my little angel from him, from his own destiny.

It was the least I can do to proof myself to him that I love him so much, I will give my self to be hate by my own son to make sure he can lived his life after this foolish war. The war that take him away from me but I'm not sorry to kept my role for him. He's the only reason of my existents in this rotten world. My light to my darkness, as his other father.

If he's knows that he still had any family, I know that he'll hate me from kept it a secret from him, so does his other father. I'm sorry I had to keep it a secret to both of you. Not because I don't love you but because I loves you both too much to burdened this secret onto the both of you. I would bury this secret along with me as long as I had to, the very secret that you're not a son of the Potters, but mine with his bestfriend, the last Marauder that ever live, Remus Lupin.

It's always a wonder to me that his trait never been passed on you. His werewolf gene never be in your blood but you indeed had his werewolf strength either physically and magically and his good heart too. You had his smile and it's hurt to seen it everytime you smile or laughed. I see him in you. Though the headmaster had altered your look with the Potters trait, but in my eyes I always see him in you. His soft heart, his bravery and his friendship, everything I love from him even until now. You know what? Both of you seems to love DADA even more than I do.

Did you ever wonder how can a greasy and slimy Slytherin like me could get a Gryffindor as his lover, especially one of the Marauder, his own personal tormentor? Heh, if that time someone told me that I would have a son from a Marauder even falling in love with him, I would hex them till the next week. But to tell you the truth, the reason we got together begin from the Whomping Willow accident. That accident didn't tear us apart, well maybe just a little since we never had a good history to begin with, so what if that little bit to be tear once again, but like a Gryffindor he was, the accident made Remus chased me everyday. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Imagined how irritated it for me as he chased me around and I had to avoided his ugly face every time and then. His first intention was pure just to made me accepted his apologies, but of course I never forgave him that easily and that too made Potter chased me along with him. And once again for that damn Gryffindor trait, he tried to help his bestfriend to ease his guilty in almost killing me in Whomping Willow.

I, of course, tried as best as I could to avoid to met them and unfortunately for me that they always found me in the end. That's what triggered me to begin to know them both more and begin to ease our grudged on each other. I even dated the damn werewolf who once tried to eat me alive. Damn his cuteness and persistent and it's a foolish of me to fell for it. And to rub the sore pride of mine, I even become close with Potter and Lily once again.

Our relationship becomes a secret between Lily, James, Remus and me for we know that Black and Pettigrew would be furious with this, especially Black. I still dated Remus until the Dark Lord become too powerful. He's taking followers and killed every body who dared to oppose him, especially the Potter. James refused his bargain from the first time and made him a prey for the Dark Lord to be killed. That was the first reason why I took the Dark Mark. To got inside the circle and spy at them for my own benefit, to protect my friend.

The first friend I ever had beside Lucius. I never had a friend like them. They accepted me even supporting me on my relationship with Remus. They protected our secret for our happiness though it hurt him so much to kept a secret from the other member of the Marauder but he kept on doing it for us. And I do really grateful for that. It was the least I could do to repay them. I'm a Slytherin and Lucius' friend, it makes me easy to get inside the inner circles and with my skill as a potion master, it would makes me more valuable.

But what I don't estimate was they furious as they saw my mark when I forget to erect my barrier around it once I finished my shower that day. And what makes it unfortunate event became worst is I don't have time to explained it to Remus. He walked away from me as I failed to explain it to him due to my stubbornness and pride, and that was the same time I lost my chance to tell him that I have his child in me. That was the worst time I ever felt. I lost my lover and two of my bestfriend in one day.

Everyday from that unfortunate day and after I found out about my condition, I tried to asked the Potter about Remus where about but they refused to let me know without a good reason and I can't told them. To tell you the truth, I'm afraid on telling them, afraid that he would freak on me as a male pregnancy was the rarest trait that ever had. I'm afraid to lose them more than I already had. And I'm standing still on my decision for not telling them about my reason for taking the dark mark. I don't want James and Lily felt any guilty to me. I choose this by myself and I'm doing it with my entire all.

Not too long from the last time I go to met James, I'm getting a tasked that given by the Dark Lord for the entire Death Eaters. The tasked was to killed James and Lily Potter, not just because he married a muggle born, he was the worst enemy of the Dark Lord. I tried to go to the Godric Hollow, to their house to warn them about it but when I arrived there, I can't find it out. The house just disappears like a fog. I'm very relieved and disappoint, relieved that before the death eater had a chance to get and hurt them, they already gone into hiding but I felt a disappointment erupt on my chest as I too lose my only hope to know where my lover was. I'm looking for the Potters for my own purpose but soon enough, I lost all of my hope and I stopped looking out the Potter as I had no strength on doing it anymore.

As soon as it comes, this little gift was the last thing that kept me intact and sane most of time. His tiny kick and punch, his strong heartbeat when the first time I ever heard it makes my heart soar in warm and happiness. This little miracle was my only anchor in this world as my world shattered beneath my feet.

The mistake that I take for my friend's sake became the worst regret I ever done. The hunting and torturing session with the death eaters, it's sickening me the most. They even forced me to hex and killing people just for fun, muggles and wizards or witches. I'm grateful that I always used a glamour since I found out that I'm pregnant. I hide my pregnancy from every body, especially the Dark Lord. I would hate myself if my child was being force to take the dark mark, to follow my mistake. And because of this mistake too I had to lose my little angel.

When I heard the prophesy from the witch in the Hogmeade, about a boy who'll born in July that year that would taking down the Dark Lord, I had a very unsettling feeling. A churned feeling that something bad would come and to my deepest regret, it does come.

The Dark Lord heard me whispering the prophesy that I heard this afternoon as I counted the day for my baby to born. I wished that the prophesy wouldn't involved my little baby, but Lady Luck seems to never gave her smile on me. Not only the Dark Lord know about the prophesy because my recklessness, I too endanger my angel because he would be born in July. It shook me to the core as I became frantic to search for help. A help to make my baby safe and sound.

_I'll do anything for my little angel_

_I'll do anything for my love_

_I'll give my life for you_

Since that, the Dark Lord begin to hunted down every children that born in that unfortunate month. They tortured the family and killed the baby. My stomach churned and I felt guiltier. Very guilty on my recklessness. If I never whispered it, I would never have to tell him and nobody would be death because of that.

When my due date becomes closer, I'm more desperate for an escape. I cried and cried as guilty weighting me out. I go to the headmaster and told him my story. He heard my rambled patiently as he calmed me down. He sat me on the couch as he asked my coincidence to become his spy in return for his help on my problem. For my baby and my guilt, to win the war, to kept my baby alive. As he said if I became his spy, I would make sure the safety of my son with the information I get from the inner circles and it would too make up my guilt by saving the people that should be killed by the Dark Lord as we, the Order can set them up and captured them before they can hurt even killed them.

I'm surprised as he told me to give up my son to be taken care by someone else. I refused for the beginning but when he explained his reasoning to me, I can't argue anymore with him. I had to do this for my son's safety. If I'll kept active on the inner circle it would be a great danger if I had a baby with me, afraid that sometimes the fellow dark eater would come by anytime and I can't hide him without being found out later. And I don't want to take any risk with my son's life.

I understand clearly about it, but still it hurts to let my baby go, to never hold him again. Never saw his first step, his first teeth or his first word. Never saw his first smile and hear his laugh. I cares my bulging stomach where my son rest peacefully inside me. I cried softly as I hugged myself, embracing both of us, the baby and me. I heard the headmaster voice still talking to me. He asked me to choose who the Order member I wish to give my son to. My heart clenched hard at the thought, my only reason to live would leave me and would never know that I'm his 'mother'. He wouldn't know that I'm the one who carried him for 9 months, loving him and delivered him to this world. I would lose him for the rest of my life, to be no one significant in his life. No one but a stranger as he called someone else as his parents. Loving them and care for them. Someone else but me.

My tears poured down my cheeks, leaving him would take my life away from me. But what other choice that I had? None. I looked up to the headmaster as he extends the list in front of me. I take the list with my shaking hand. With a blurry eyes from tears, I opened the list and found every name of the available family in Order who can take my son in. I scan the list slowly until I found out the Potters name in there. I'm so glad that they were fine and safe. My breath hitched as I point out that the Potter will be a surrogate parents for my soon to be born son. It's better to give him to James and Lily than someone I hardly know. At least I know their personality and they're Remus' bestfriend. At least it would ease my heart a little to know that my little angel would be taken care and be love.

The headmaster seems surprised on my choosen parents but said nothing and I too explained nothing at him. He seems understand on my quietness and he said nothing in return. I told him that I agree with his plan but I asked him to fulfill one condition for me. To make the Potter vow not to tell anyone about us, even their Marauder best friend. The headmaster agrees with me and contacted the newly wedded. He explain just a little bit about my condition and story without giving my name and asked them to vow not to let this confidential new spreads as it would endanger the 'mother' and the baby. They seem to agree and giving their vows not to let this news to anybody, not even his bestfriend without the consent of the 'mother' or the headmaster. What they didn't know was soon they would regret their vow greatly as they had to take the secret along with them to their bed death.

Several days before my due date, the headmaster takes me to the Potter residence at Godric Hollow. When I'm arrived, they surprised to see me. I looked at them calmly as they tried to cope with the surprised they got. They scrutinize me from the head to the tips of my toes. I let them do whatever they wish to do as I'm already tired with the rollercoaster of my emotion these day. The sadness and grief that I felt dearly each time as one day passed to the other. Counting the day I would lose everything I held dear. First my lover then my bestfriends and the final blow is my own son.

Lily looks like she want to say something but I just turn my head as I said to the headmaster that I'm tired and want to rest. Lily shut her mouth as James gritted his jaw tightly. His eyes full of regret, regret for abandoning me. Alone and pregnant as my lover disappear in nowhere. Leaving me behind like I'm just a garbage. I felt betrayed by them but in my own sick mind I know that I'm not good enough for them. My face shows nothing of my emotion as they sent me to my room.

As I am staying at the Potter residence, Lily and James tried to comfort me by fulfilling every whim that I need. I'm hardly asked anything as I'm just savoring every moment I have left with my baby. I know they felt guilty about everything, especially after the headmaster finally told them all the true story at them. Honestly, I hardly care anymore, what done was done. I'm as guilty as they are in this case. If I'm just given in and let them know my reasoning, it would never be happen. But it's too late now. I'm already accepted that that my relationship with Remus and them has been destroyed beyond repair and when I think about it further maybe it was the best thing for everybody. Back to the life as the Marauder with their prey.

I always think to let Remus know, to tell him about our son, but I know I can't do that. I know he would love to be with him, to take care of him, but it can't be done. If the Ministry of Magic knows that Remus has a child, they would brand him too and I don't want it. I don't want to destroy my son's future, beside I know the Ministry of Magic would take the child from him too. It would be the best if he stays with the Potter. Lily loves children, so I know my son would be loved and safe. A permanent family would do well for a child growth. After a long waiting, finally my little baby wishes to be born. And in 31st July, 1984, was born a very beautiful boy with a black soft hair and golden eyes to the world. A boy named Harold Godric Snape – Lupin whose turn become Harold James Potter.

The headmaster suggests that we altered the baby feature to resemble to the Potter and I'm agreed with him. It would be strange if Harry has a very different feature from his parent, the Potter. From there on, we charmed him so he has a ruffles black hair as James and emerald green eyes of Lily's. He resembles of James, but in my heart I always know he's resembles to Remus.

Lily always asked me to tell Remus about Harry, but I always ignore her suggestion. I know what I'm doing would hurt him, but at least I could try my harder to prevent more hurt on him. I never wish to see his regret for leaving me nor not being there for me. I don't want him to regret his choice to disappear from me and the most important is I don't want him to suffer for not had a chance to take care his own son, to gave it to someone else eventhough it was his bestfriend. I wish to protect him as much as I could for I love him still and I know I would never stop loving him.

It's enough it's just me who suffer for this. It's enough that I the only one who shoulder this responsibility and guilty. Don't you know how surprised of me when the Dark Lord found out about Harry's existent, as he attack the Godric Hollow though the house has been cover with _fidelius_ charm. I almost panicked if the headmaster not calm me down again, and once again my mistake take something important from me. I lost two of my friends because of it. I make Harry an orphan just a few months after I delivered him to this world and gave him to his new family. And what hurt me the most that I had to gave him to Lily's only relative, Petunia, for I know what she looks like and personality.

I asked the headmaster to reconsider his choice in leaving Harry there but he talked about Harry's safety. He's not safe with me for the loose death eater would spying on me from now and then and he's cannot be with Remus too for his condition as werewolf. Sirius is in Azkaban and Pettigrew gone. Who else to count on? I had to allow my son being rise in the last family he ever have, the relative of his late mother, Lily Potter.

The headmaster forbids me to go to him for his safety. Did you know how much I miss him when I saw him again in his first year in Hogwarts? How longed I wish to hug him and gather him in my arm and saying that I'm his real father? Did you understand how hurt for me that I can't say it all to him and to pretended to hate him for his late father? It's hurt but it's worth for his safety from the death eater.

Did you know how anxious I am when I know the Dark Lord revived from his death? How I hope I can replaced him to kill that bastard for him, but I know I can't. I'm not strong enough and I know Harry is strong to defeat the Dark Lord. Did you know how I relieve when he come back, hurt but alive every time he faced the Dark Lord and how I keep on prying for his safety?

It's hurt to see him alone and thirst of love. It's hurt to see him starve and lonely. The happiest moment that I ever felt was when Harry met Remus for the first time on his third year. How close they are though they don't know that they are a father and son. I wish I could storm there and hug them both and told him the secret. But I can't do that, not before everything was over. After all this time, after what has been happened I'm still in love with him. With my Remus. I misses him so much and he's so thin. His robe tattered and there's a gray hair on his honey brown haired. Oh how I wish I could kiss him once again. Saying I love you still, back into his arms along with our son. But it's not the time. Not when the Dark Lord still exist. I won't endanger my loved one because of my selfishness. If the Dark Lord know I has a relationship with a werewolf, and the most important, one of the Order, he would killed me and that's can be done. Not when my son still in danger. Being pursue by a mad man.

I'm success on finding a _wolfbane_ potion for Remus but I'm still kept on trying to make a cure for his _lycanthropy. _I just need a little more time, I'm just need some little more time. For my greatest give for him. And now, here I am. Finally the final war has come, and I'm worry like a shit for my son. I can felt the ended has nearer but everything has flowed like what I've planted. Remus would free from his _lycanthropy. _Right now Harry has a relationship with Draco. My two precious person involve with each other. My son and my godson. Nothing could make me happy more than that. At least I know that my little one now has someone to take care of him and to love him. And there's Remus. When his _lycanthropy_ is cure with my new potion, we could take care Harry together as a family, though maybe it would be hard for the first time. Especially after how I treat him all this time for my cover. I just hoping he could forgive me and try to love me back.

When I looking for Remus to speak with him about his _wolfsbane _potion, I saw him in the room with a beautiful girl with a pink hair. They laughed together as they sat side by side on the couch. My face paling at the scene I saw before me. My heart stop in the instant as I saw Remus pull the girl to his strong chest. I gritted my teeth as I looked away from them. I had to admit it hurts so much to know that Remus has move on on me and here I am, stuck in the middle and I can't get out. I can't move on from him, from Remus. But what should I say? I could do nothing, especially with the uncertainty result of the war for all of us. If that what he wish and the best for him, then I would respect it. Though my heart bleed as I saw my ex – lover kissed the Tonks girl softly on her lips as happiness written all over their face.

It maybe just my selfish wish that somehow after the war over, I still could court Remus back, to gather my family back to me. My eyes watered as my dream vanished before my eyes. I shake my head and turn back to leave the two lovebirds alone along with my broken dream and hope.

_My little angel_

_My love_

_I captured you both with both of my hands_

_I embraced you and hold onto you_

Spell slashing and thrusting everywhere trying to touches its target. Everything in chaos as everybody fighting for their own believes and hopes. Hope in peaceful world without fear anymore. I looked around and found my ex – lover fighting with Voldemort along with Harry. I found rage enveloping Harry, making him impatient and reckless on the taunting the Dark Lord throws at him. I'm begin to worry as I felt a swirls of magic begin to rise and ready to blow.

'_Don't listen to him, Harry. He's nor worth it. Calm your rage and think carefully.'_ I sent my thought at him. He was surprised, I know. He begins to calm down and assess all of the battle field, erecting his barrier and attention to every single things around him as he's been teaches before. Remus smiles at it as he too begins to calm and fight his own fighting. They begin to attack each other.

I curse some death eaters that begin to near the Dark Lord. Either I stunned them or hex them. I keep on glancing to my son as I try to come nearer to him. Remus has been separate by the death eater as he fight them, leaving Harry alone with his own enemy. Harry tried to dodge some hex that been throw by the death eater whose running to help his master. He rolls down but as he tried to stand up, the Dark Lord has cast an _avada kedavra_ at him. Remus scream at Harry to dodge, but I know it was too late for it. Remus blow the death eater who's sent a hex on Harry with rage before he run toward him.

Before I know what's happened, I'm already there in front of my little baby. I hug him close as I shield his body from the spell that would hit him. He gasps in surprise as I caress his hair softly. I'm so happy. For the last 18 years of my life I felt a surge of happiness one more time. Finally I could take my son on my arms once again and for the last time. I could inhale his sweet scent and felt his solid form against my body. To felt his soft hair between my finger as I caress him for the last time.

Finally I had the bundle of joy back into my arms. Finally I get my baby back though I lost my lover forever. I'm sad that I had to leave them again, how I wish I could be with them at least for awhile, but I know I couldn't. If it was my life to be exchange with the life of my son, I would give it gladly. I heard someone screamed in terror before cheers begin to erupt. But I can't hear anything. What I hear is the gasp of my little angel on my arms, the soft voice of my son at my ears before I could hear nothing no more.

I smile softly as I close my eyes. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, touching me gently as they pull me away softly. When I opened my eyes, I saw Lily touched my shoulder softly as a gentle smile paste on her lips. James stretched his hand at me with a smirk on his lips and Dumbledore smile softly at me.

'_Well done, my dear boy.' _Dumbledore said softly at me. His eyes shining with proud and happiness also it fills with sadness. Happiness that finally the world would be safe once again, the proud he felt at my brave action and sadness for me to leave my happiness once again before I can taste them. But I don't mind, at least finally I could keep him safe and I had my last chance to hug my son one more time, for the last time I can hold him in arms again. My long lost child has been back to me though for little awhile.

'_It's over, Sev. He's safe now. The both of them.'_ Lily told me softly, never losing her gentle smile.

'_Yes, he's gone. Voldemort finally death. Just like Lily, you save him with your love. You even destroy the hocrux inside his head.'_ James said gently, _'Now it's time for us to go too. Padfoot waiting for us.'_ James continued softly. I quirked my eyebrow at his words. Black waiting for me? I definitely already death, then. I chuckled softly thinking on irony of life before I grasped James hand as he pulled me up. Lily clutched my hand as I smile softly at the headmaster.

'_Let's we move on.'_ He said as he pushed my back forward softly, taking Lily place at my right side as Lily grabbed James hand tightly. I nodded at them before I turn back for one last time. Looking back to the two people that I love until my last breath.

'_Be happy, my love and my little one.'_ I murmured softly before I'm turning back and walked along with the long lost friends that I finally get back though I have them back in death.

The Dark Lord scream as a white light erupted from Severus body as his forbidden cursed hit straight to Severus' back. The Dark Lord writhed and kept on screaming, fire blazing on his body, eating it alive before it turn his body into dust. All of his body.

The battle field stop in an instant as the Dark Lord screamed surprising every body. Cheers soon erupt from everybody as the Dark Lord finally death. The rest of the death eater begin to scattered around, looking for a way to escape the auror clutches. Harry stunned in silent as he felt a body slid down as Remus screamed filling his blank mind.

'_Why? Why I felt like this? Why I felt that I know his touches before? His soft voice..'_ Harry gasped as he felt a wet trickled down his cheeks. He touches his cheek as tears keep on flowing. His breath hitch in his chest as he looks at Remus as he clutched Severus Snape lifeless body and crying loudly. Screaming at him for coming back and how much he loves him still. I stares at him, my mind blank as I still comprehend with the recently event.

I felt someone touch my shoulder, awaking me from my reverie. I look up as Hermione force a smile on her lips before she broke down and begin to cry. Ron circling his arms to her waist, to let her crying on his shoulder as he throws a look full of regret at Remus sobbing form. He closed his eyes as he blocks the tears that begin to gather around his eyes. Draco sat still beside his godfather still form as he grasped his hand tightly, refusing to accepted that his second role father has been robe from him. Leaving him forever. He just sat still and stares at the soft and peaceful feature of the sleeping potion master as the final war was over.

_Fly away my love_

_Fly fly away my little angel_

_Flying high and free_

_I opened my arms to let you go_

_Now I let you go_

_A/N : Review please.._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer **: I do not own Harry Potter. It belong to J.K. Rowling and I'm not make money with this fanfic.

**Pairing **: Remus/Severus, Severus/Harry as family

**Warning **: It contain M/M relationship and M – preg, so if you don't like yaoi please don't read it.

Finally it's chapter 2. I don't know whether it was good or not. But I hope you like it. Still no beta-ed so be warn with the grammar and wrong spelling.

* * *

_My heart torn and bleed_

_He left me here all alone_

_And I still can't let him go_

**Remus' POV**

I walked slowly as I keep close the hardly warm body at my chest. My mind blank as I keep on walking. Someone speak to me at my side, I hear their voice but I hardly understand. I looked down at the sleeping man I held in my arms. His beautiful black hair wet with tears and rain, his deep black eyes being hiden by the closed eyelids in a peaceful sleep. In eternal sleep of him. Nothing can wake him up anymore, not nightmare, not Voldemort, not even me.

I kiss his head softly as I walked down to the dungeon. His dungeon, his beloved home. I know Draco walked along with me by my side. He still refused to let his hand go, he even still talked to him, hoping that he could coax him to wake up. Hoping he would open his eyes and scold him for waking him up from his sleep.

When I arrived at his chamber, the young wizard whose been staying on the painting in front of his chamber gaped at us, his face pale in surprise as he stare at the figure in my arms. His eyes wide as understanding came down at him. The young wizard take his cape down slowly as he bow his head before he swung himself open, giving us an entrance to his private chamber. When I passed the entrance I heard a soft sobbed as the young wizard crying softly.

When I get inside the bedroom, I've find out that Draco has drag the quilt down for me. I set him down carefully as I stretching his body softly, arranging him so he was laying comfortably on his bed. Draco came out from the bathroom with a towel in his hand.

"Drying him, would you, Mr. Lupin? I don't want him to get a cold." He said softly, his voice wavering as he begin to walked to his drawer, pulling out a dry clothes for him to change. I shut my eyes tightly, holding back the tears that threaten to falls down one more time. I wish I could pretend that he was still alive. I wish I could pretend that he just fall asleep. I wish I could avoid the fact that he's gone now.

I stare at the young man as he shove the clothes he gather to me. I know the beautiful boy still refused the bitter reality about Sev. He's hurt and lost and I can't do anything about it. But I know that he's a strong boy, a Slytherin. He would need his own time to cope with it and he's Severus' godson. He adored and loves Severus so much, as do Severus. Their love sometimes makes me wonder if they are just a godson and a godfather. To me, they are like a family for real, just like a father and son. A family I hope I could have with him. A family of my own with him though it's too late already.

I lose him. Not once but twice and I won't have him back anymore. I lose him for good now and how I regret everything. I regret how coward I'm to say I'm sorry. I know he wouldn't said it first no matter whose fault it was to begin with. I live with him long enough to understand it, but still I kept my pride and anger.

I smile softly as I dry his wet hair and skin gently, peeling his wet clothes off of him as Draco help me to change his clothes. I care his wet hair with my finger, combing it between my fingers as I cast a drying charm. A lone tears drop before I could sweep it, wetting his soft cheek with it as I continue to feel his soft hair between my fingers. How I missed this feeling.. the feeling of his hair between my fingers, the softness of his skin on my hands as I cares his cheeks and hands. I miss how our body molds together in perfections as we making love with each other.

I miss his soft voice as we talked or his husky whisper as he flirts with me, his witty retort as I'm down, his snort and smart came back as he try to cheers me up, his awkward kiss as I kissed him in public, his shy smile as he heard me saying 'I love you'. And I miss his usually expressionless eyes glows with love, telling me that he loves me so much through it.

How I miss his soft touches and slight smile as an appreciation gesture. His worries snarl as he nursed you to health when you're sick. I miss his tenderness as he do his potion and his shining eyes as he accomplished on finishing difficult potion. I even miss his sharp words as we fighting. I miss everything about him.

I grasped his now cold hand on mine as I lift it to my lips. I kissed his knuckle softly before I put it on my cheek. Inhaling his soft scent, I try to re – imprint his minty and nature scent on my nostril. I rubbed my cheek at his slim hand, savoring its softness on my rough cheek before I kiss his palm lightly. I cares his soft cheek as I hold my breath. Trying to hold back a sobs out of my lips when I hold back any tears that threatens to pour down. My grieving for losing a beloved one. My only love, my lost love. Tears still clouding my eyes as I exhale a shaky breath softly. I bent down to kiss his forehead slowly, savoring the last chance I had to kiss him. My last chance to felt his soft skin against my lips.

"I wish I could say it when you're still alive." I felt a lump begin to form in my throat. I chuckles softly as I clear my throat. "You know what? You still can make me fidget and nervous everytime I tried to make a confession to you though you're sleep so peaceful like this."

I kiss his cold lips lightly. My heart clenched hard, squeezing off my breath on my lungs. "I love you." I whispered shakily before his soft but cold lips. "I love you so much and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't make up with you sooner, I'm sorry I leaved you 18 years ago, I'm sorry I never try harder to make up with you when I'm back here. I'm sorry for everything I failed you. I do really sorry, so please don't leave me. Scold me, sneer at me, hate me with all you've got, do anything you please and I promise you I would endure it. Anything but this. I loves you too much to let you go, so please, just please, don't leave me alone." I know I'm crying harder now. Letting go every pent up emotion I held before. Every pain, every hurt and love in my broken heart.

I wailed shamefully as I hold our clasped hands close as tears keep its way down my face. My body shook hard with my sob. Unknown to me, Draco slip outside as he too begin to sob in misery.

* * *

_I pray and pray_

_Wishing that you could stay_

_Stay here with me_

_But still you left me_

_Leaving me alone and cold_

I knead my temple hard. My head throbbed painfully and my eyes swollen badly, but I don't really care. I stare blankly at the still figure before me as I stroke his cheek softly. I wish I could turn back time, I would do anything to prevent this moment to be happened. I'll give anything to have you back in my arms. I'll do anything to keep you with me, here in my arms and never let you go again.

I always thought that nothing would hurt me more than what I ever experience all this time. It hurt so much it makes my heart torn and bled when I had to left you 18 years ago. It hurt me more when I had to endure your cold treatment and sneers as I lived at Hogwarts as I teach there. The most hurt you create was when you announced to every person in Hogwarts that I'm a werewolf. You know how much it hurt me that you crush my trust that I put upon you as you spread the secret I held for the entire of my life. Did you know that that day I wish I could strangle you to death with my own bare hands?

I always wonder why I can't hate you after everything you put on me. Why can't I move on from you? Why can't I forget about you all this time? I try everything to forget you, to gain my life again without you. I even tried to date one more time with a beautiful and kind woman, the only person except you who accept me as who I am. A werewolf and still she love me. I do tried my best to love her, though my mind told me to loved her but deep inside my heart, I can't loved her. I can't replace your claim over my heart and I can't let anybody take a possession over it because inside of my heart I know I loves you too much to let anyone in.

I know it hurt her so much when I broke us up, but I know it was the best for us. I never wish to give her an empty hope when I had nothing to offer anymore. I know I would just hurt her in the end if I force our relationship when I just love you. Only you, not her. My only wish was when this charade all over, I wish I could making up with you. I wish I could have your forgiveness and we could try to mends our broken relationship one more time, trying to making it work again.

But now, it's all over. It's over for good between you and me. You left me for good and I wish I could come with you. I wish I could run after you to the afterlife, I had nothing to hold on now I lose everything. You, Sirius, Dumbledore even James and Lily. Harry already grown up and safe, the Dark Lord has died and nothing would held me up anymore.

I'm so tired, tired of being alone without my friends and my loves one, without you here with me. Could I come with you? I lose everything I held dear, but Harry. And I know he won't need me anymore. I miss you all. I wish I could sleep along with you, worrying nothing but sleep and never wake up anymore. I thought I you couldn't hurt me more than all this time, but I thought I was wrong. You always know the best way to hurt me. Here I thought that nothing worse could hurt me more and I should know best. You left me behind not just it hurt me but destroy me.

You destroy my heart and my world beyond repair. You take everything good from me when with you. You left me nothing to hope and to live on. You're killing me softly with this hole emptiness you left in my heart and world.

I want to go home. Back home to you. Back into your heart. To feel your arms warps on my waist, to keep me close. To feel your warm body and your love for me. I want to be with you. So here I'm begging you, please don't leave me behind. Please take me with you along, take me with you wherever you go because I loves you too much to let you go anymore. No more.

* * *

_I'm hanging over you_

_Clutching you tight in my heart_

_I can't let you go_

_Never let you go_

All this time I could never read your mind perfectly. I always know that everything you do always had its own meaning but I could never read it until you let me to. I always wonder how you could act so cruel when what you do always for the greater good and you never said it to anyone. You made everyone thought that you're an evil person but you never one from the first time. You asked nothing in return when you did a good deed for anyone. You never told anybody, just keep it for yourself. You always like that and for that I loves you so much.

Night rolls into noon and I'm staying still beside you. Watching your peaceful slumber as I sort my broken heart. I thought everything you do all this time. A little kindness as you forgive me without word as you let me go unpunished as I nearly killed you in Whomping Willow. Your silents as you kept my secret all this time and the happiness you gave me as you love me with all your heart when we're still young.

If I think again, I owe you one more thank you as you spilled my secret as werewolf. I know it hurt me in the beginning but now I think more of it, you let it out just to ease my burden and scared. When the secret out, it ease my soul greatly as I held nothing in the end and with it too I know who my real friends is.

It hurt to be shunned again but I'm grateful that I don't have anything weighting out my shoulder anymore. I now know that not everybody scare at me though I'm a werewolf. You gave me a chance to be myself, not a liar. You even take the scornful fit on your behalf as you spill my secret, making me got a lot of sympathizer when you 'hurt' me with it. What everyone miss to see is you did it for me. You did it for my own good just like when you create the_ wolfsbane_ potion for me. To ease my pain in my transformation and just to give a chance for me to be myself when I'm in the wolf form.

I should know that you always planned everything for everyone you love. You set everything for them even it cost you the most. I should know it after all this time, just like now.

* * *

_Please take me home_

_Don't leave me again_

_I want to go home_

_Go back home with you_

I stare blankly as Harry comes inside in hurry. His hair unruly and tears trails down his cheeks. He sobs out loud as his eyes locked on sleeping man beside me. I looked in question on him before I heard a gasps on the door. I turn my head to see Ron and Hermione trying to calm their ragged breath on the door. Their eyes filled with worry and sadness. I frown in confusion as I once again turn my attention to Harry.

Harry stepped softly to the other side of the bed. He sits down slowly as he scrutinized the figure before him.

"How could you?" he whispered softly, his voice filled by hurt. "How could you leave me like that?" sobs begin to increase every time he speak. "How could you rob everything from me? From us?" he hitched softly as he grabs Severus robe tightly. His knuckles whitening with the strong grip he does. "I hate you! I hate you so much.. I hate –" Harry screamed, not releasing his grip as he crying freely now on Severus' chest. Tears trailing down freely and I just could watch. Ron kneaded his eyes to hold his tears as Hermione crying along with the young man before me. I watch them with confusion on my face. I know something was off but I don't know what.

"I hate you so much, Dad." He said it softly between his painful sobbing. I stared at Harry in shock as I heard his confession. My heart clenched hard as hear it. I can feel my heart stop its beating as in shock and confusion.

'_How?'_ was the only thought that flashes on my mind as I stunned at the revelation. I only could gap and stay silent, too shock to do nor think anything as I stare at the two person in front of me.

"How?" I whispered softly but no one answered me, my head spin faster as my world being shaken one more time by the secret he kept from me. But what I don't know is what the secret was.

* * *

_A/N : Review? Good or no good? Could you tell me? I think I would write some chapter more._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer **: I do not own Harry Potter. It belong to J.K. Rowling and I'm not make money with this fanfic.

**Pairing **: Remus/Severus, Severus/Harry as family

**Warning **: It contain M/M relationship and M – preg, so if you don't like yaoi please don't read it.

Thanks for all the alert you gave me, especially favorite and review alert. I'm so glad that you like this story, so this is another chapter for you. So sorry that it took me so long to up date, but here we are. Hope you like this one too.

_Rena The Pirate Jedi Wizard and Tommy's Girl78: _Thank you for your review and I'm glad you like this story.

**Draco's POV**

I sobbing hard, hurt lurk from my chest as I slid down on the floor in Severus' living room. 'Why?' I'm asking it again and again. _'Why should he leave me? Why? After all this time when we finally free from the mad wizard? Why should I lose him?'_ My mind kept on asking, muffle sound escape from my mouth as I cry harder. Tears pouring down my cheeks and I can't stop it even though I wish for it to stop. My body shaking so hard as I rock back and forth, praying that the hurt in my chest could disappeared. Praying that it just a bad dream and when I'm awake, everything would be fine. That he would be there for me like usual. But I know better that he won't. He's gone and won't be coming back. Not for me nor anyone else.

I'm losing him for good, my second father, my beloved godfather, someone whose more father to me than my own blood father.

'_Why it should be him?'_

Hiccupped lose from my throat as I bit my knuckle to stop any sound came out of my mouth as misery flooding out and envelope me in full force. My eyes blurred with tears as I hug my knees on my chest tightly.

'_Stop crying, Dray. It's unbecoming you. You're a Malfoy, and a Malfoy shouldn't lash on his emotion freely. What would Sev say if he found out?' _I thought desperately as harsh laugh escape from my lips.

'_But he won't found out. Can't. Not anymore.' _Gasping hard, I closed my eyes tightly as I tried to collect my lose control. I try to suppress every hurt and sadness deep inside my heart, I wipe my wet cheeks off of tears and that was when I felt a gapping hole appear in my heart. A part of me that he take with him. A special place of him in my heart, a place that just belong to him and no one can replace it. No one but him.

I slump in there not knowing how long I've been staying there. My mind fuzzy and I can't think of anything. I stare blankly at the fireplace across the room as its blazing fire lit the room dimly, creating every dancing shadow all around the room. I can't hear anything, just a faint sob. Our sobs, me and that man. I glace over my right shoulder tiredly, looking inside the bed chamber at the dear figure that laying peacefully on the bed along with the man that holding him all the time.

His long lost lover. His dearest tormentor. I snort softly before I divert my gaze back to roam all over the living room. I stand up slowly, willing my weak knees to hold me before I creep softly to the couch. I cares the robe that still laying at the armrest from his last visit before he gone to the Dark Lord, preparing for the final battle along with my father.

His favorite robes. His black and long teaching robes. I grab the robes and draped it over my shoulder as I curl in his loverseat in front of the fireplace. His favorite robe and his favorite chair. I inhale deeply at his robe, enveloping my being in his scent as I closed my eyes and heat begins to seep on my cold skin. Tear begin to form in the corner of my eyes as I force myself to relax, imagining that his strong arms wrapped around me, protect me from everything even from myself. Just like he used to do when I was a child. My protector and my dearest father figure.

I loves him more than my own parents. He was the one that always be there for me whenever I need someone to hold me close, to love me unconditionally. I know that my parents love me. I'm their only child and heir. They love me so much that they let me to do anything that I want to and gave me anything that I ask for. They spoil me to root to replace the time they lack to spend with me, but I don't really care for they already gave me the most precious present that they ever gave me. My own godfather.

I understand that my parents are a busy people, either from social events to the ministry problem even from Malfoy business. But deep down in my heart, Sev was the only 'parent' for me. He became a 'father' and 'mother' for me. He taught me how to read, how to write and how to became a true Slytherin. He taught me lives and how to loves. What a parent should teach to their children. But despite it all, he taught me a responsibility and punishment when I become too spoilt.

I smile softly at every memories about us. The moment he rock me to sleep, when we laughed together, when we do potion, a cherish memories from I'm a child till now. Good or bad. Everything became a precious moment for me. I haven't has a chance to say how much I loves him and how much I thank him for being there for me, with me. I lost my chance to show him how much a treasure he is for me.

I curled tighter, making myself as little as I could inside the protection of his robe. Being warped in his scent as I always do when I was a little. Pretending that it was him who hold me. Pretending that he was here with me. Pretending that all will be alright somehow.

I don't know how long I was pacing out in his loveseat when I heard some ruckus. I heard a fast footstep from the front door before I heard the door being slam open by Harry.

"Harry.." I whispered softly as I turn my head, following his frantic and fast movement to the bed chamber. I never saw him so distracted like this. Something was off from him. The anger, the sadness, the anguish and the acceptance.

I rise slowly and walk to bed chamber a moment after Ron and Hermione whose running after him stop on their step inside of the room. I divert my eyes from them to my lover. He walked slowly to the bed, his posture rigid as he hold his emotion tight. His pale face and thin line lips as he hold his tears at bay as he sat down on the bed beside my godfather.

"How could you?" I heard him whispered softly, his voice filled by hurt. "How could you leave me like that?" sobs begin to increase every time he speak. "How could you rob everything from me? From us?" he hitched softly as he grabs Severus robe tightly. His knuckles whitening with the strong grip he does. "I hate you! I hate you so much.. I hate –" Harry screamed, not releasing his grip as he crying freely now on Severus' chest.

My mind reeling as I looked around in confusion. I looked at Lupin's betrayed and lost face to Ron and Hermione's face. Their face filled in a deep sadness, acceptance and pity. What was that for I don't know.

"I hate you so much, Dad." I snap myself to Harry one more time. Shock filled my mind, my face palling as I gapped at him. Dad? I stunned in silence as my mind began to reeling by itself, constructing everything and anything from my memories before I closed my eyes in realization. A true Slytherin indeed and I proud to say you are my godfather and my 'parent' at most. Finally I know what he mean what he told me when I was a child.

_Flashback_

"_Uncle Sev, you don't love me anymore, don't you?" a 10 years old Draco murmured softly as he curled up deeper in his seat in front of the fireplace. The older man looked up from the journal he's been read as he heard an accusation in his godsons' soft question._

"_Why did you asked that, Dray?" he sighs softly as he closed the journal and put it on the table, he knew that it would be a long conversation with the little boy. "I asked you a question and I expect an answer, Draco." He said stern but in soft tone, telling the little boy he didn't mad at him but he want an explanation from him when the boy refused to answer his question stubbornly._

"_Father said you'll leaving me sooner or later when you had your own son." He whispered dejectly as he curled as little as he could._

"_Why did your father said something like that?" he asked as his brow drew in confusion._

"_You telling me." He gritted his teeth tightly, trying stop the hurt in his chest. _

"_Draco, looked at me." He looked at the boy besides him. When the boy finally lift his face and looked up at him he continued his speak, "You're my only child."_

"_But you'll have one someday and you'll never love me anymore." He said stubbornly. The black clad man sighs loudly at the boy sentences._

"_If I had one someday, Dray. If time gave me an opportunity." He said softly 'another opportunity'. His head bowed in defeat._

"_Don't you want one child of yours?" he asked timidly._

"_Listened up to me, Dray." He looked straight at the boys' eyes. "I maybe had a son but no matter what, I will always love you like he did. No matter what. You better remember that. Did you understand?"_

"_Promise." The little boy said at him. A smile bloom at his pouty lips, brightened his beautiful face in happiness as he nodded his head. "You'll loves me as much as your son." He looked up to the man besides him, looking for affirmation._

"_Yes, Dray. I loves you as much as he was." His thin lips pulled a little in a slight smile as he takes his long forgotten journal. "Did you have another question?" he said as he begun to read one more time._

"_So.. You had a son, Uncle Sev." The little boy asked in curiosity and confusion as he rolled his sentence in his head. "Did he die?" he asked in huss voice._

"_Yes, Draco. I had a son but I've lost him." he answered in thick emotion. His voice hitched as he gripped the journal tightly. His face hidden by his hair._

"_I'll be your son forever, Uncle Sev. I won't leave you, ever. I promised. So don't be sad." The boy jumped and hugged the man neck tightly, the little face hidden in the crock of his neck as a sobbed come out from the boys' lips. He's crying for him, for his losses._

"_I know, son." He hugged the boy closer and kisses his soft golden hair lovingly._

_End flashback_

I smile serenely when I finally understand what the meaning of his words before. He losses his son, not by death but by faith. For his sons' safety and life. Now he understands every loop hole he missed before.

A tear falling down from his eyes. He walked to his crying lover and hugged him from the back as he crying along with his beloved. Mourning the lost of their father. For the man he love who lost his chance to know his own father and for the man who lost his most precious thing before he had a chance to mend anything.

"Why..?" he asked in broken voice between his hiccups. "Why he done that? WHY HE HATE ME SO MUCH HE TORTURE ME LIKE THIS!" he scream, never loosened his grip on his fathers' robe.

I closed my eyes tightly. Hurt bloom on my heart, gripping and crushing it tightly. A sob tore from my throat as I answered his question.

"Because he loves you too much." The black haired man went rigid, his sobs stop as he looked up slowly.

"Are you kidding me? He tortured me for 6 years because he loved me too much? Why did he gave me to someone else when he could rise me by himself? Do you think that I'm insane or what?" he snapped at me. I shook my head slowly.

"He loves you too much to risk your safety with him. Why did you think he gave you up from the first time, Harry?" I asked in soft voice, tears keep on pouring from my eyes. _'Merlin, why couldn't someone understood what he's been doing? His sacrifice?' _I thought in despair.

"Because he's a spy. You're life in danger when you're with him. He'd got to gave you to Voldemort if someone catches you closed to him or know that you're his son. He's a danger himself for you." A gruff voice answered. Despair and understanding coat the man voice. "And he can't do that to you, his son. Our son." He continued softly.

"He's a spy, Harry. The only reason he gave you up not because he hates you, but because you're safe with another family. He can't rise you by himself because Voldemort still around and the death eater would come and go as they please to another death eater house." I closed my eyes as memories of death eater come into my house and stay there without permission.

"Voldemort looking for you, Harry. He hunts you down. If you in his shoes won't you do the same cause I know I would. I know I would love my children and if without me they would be safe, I would gladly gave them up so they have an opportunity to live and grow. That's what he's done for you." When I felt the body beneath me begin to relax I continued, "He tortured you all this years so you had courage to fight and to keep an eye for you.

"He roam around the castle trying to catches you wondered around the castle to ensure your safety, Harry, because he don't want you to get hurt. And he hate you in public to keep impression to another spy from Voldemort that he hates you so much so he don't had any opportunity to bring you to Voldemort. Can't you understand that, Love? The Light need their spy but he keeps on being spy not for them, but for you so that you had a chance to win, to live." I shuddered hard as I remembered how wary he was when he got back from the meeting with The Dark Lord.

Straining from one _cruciatus curse_ and another but he kept coming back for a slight information. Any information. "He endures every punishment and curse for you. He endured his sadness being hate by you just for one hope, Harry, so you could live. No parent can endure being hate by their own flesh, but he did. Because he loves you too much. He done everything for you. To ensure that you could keep on living. If being hate by you could kept you alive, for him it was a small price to paid." I'm crying freely now, voice thick with emotion as the body before me tremble hard.

"He killed for you and he gave his life for you. Giving his life so you could keep on living. He doesn't care if everyone hates or doubts him. Why do you think Professor Dumbledore trust him so much, never doubt him at all? Because he know he would never betrayed you. He even killed the Professor for you, his only friend and protector, so he could get back to the inner circle, so he could gave you useful information. Don't you understand that?" I tightened my arms around him slightly as he sobs harder as realization come down on him.

The truth finally revealed to him. The person he hates so much was the person who loves him the most. An unconditional loves he got without he realizing it. A true loves of a parent for their child.

"Merlin.. I.." he crying hard. His body trembled so hard as poured his regret and desperation. A pair of strong arms comes around us. Hugging both of us as we poured our heart out.

"He's dead for you, don't you think he loves you enough? If he hates you, would you think he would give his life for you?" I can't imagine how hurt he is when he could see his son but could never hug, kiss even love him freely. He lost everything. The man he loves and the only son he had, but he never complained. He keeps on moving and never looked back. But somehow he keeps on loving them both no matter what they done or said to him.

I can only wish that I could be as strong as he is. I know he never expected to come out alive from this war. He pushed us together and forced us to see beyond our rivalry because he knew we're compatible with each other. He knew that we would in love with each other and I could take care of him and Harry would always protect me. His lover and his son. My soon to be father-in-law and my lover. He knows I could watch them out, keeping them safe as he was.

When I lost one family, he gave another one. He trusts me with his own family and everything just like he said before.

'_I loves you as much as he was'_

I'm your godson and your sons' lover, now I do really your son by name and blood.

_A/N : Whew! Finally it's Draco's POV. I hope it's not confusing you when you read this story. Review plz..I'm desperate for a review. Sorry if there's so many mistake in structure and grammar. :D_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer **: I do not own Harry Potter. It belong to J.K. Rowling and I'm not make money with this fanfic.

_Rena The Pirate Jedi Wizard __ : Hiya! Glad you liked Draco's POV. I love it when Draco became melancholies. Cute and lovely. That's why I write robes' part. _

_Pokemon-Hogwarts4eva : __Thank you for your review and I'm glad you like this story._

_Rori Potter : Thanks for reading, here's the up date 4 all of you.._

And thank you for everyone whose choose this story as their favorite story or making an alert for this story. I do really appreciate it. Thanks for your support so I can finished this story. Bare with me with all the error and everything. ;)

Well, it's the final chapter and it kinda short. I made it from Harry's POV. Sorry to disappoint you for this short chapter but I hope you like it.

'_I'm sorry'_ that's all I can thought right now. My mind goes blank as I'm staring forward at the beautiful scenery in front of me. My hand tightened at the urn on my grasp, reluctant to giving up the contain in it. I bit my lips tightly, _'What did I had left of him?'_ I thought in despair. This is the last thing of him that I had left. His ashes. No marking, nothing. He asked for this in his last wish that I get a day after his death from the Gringgots.

I closed my eyes tightly as I hug what remain of him. I looking back as a hand touch my back and I saw my beloved standing there behind me, giving me strength to release him. To gave him his freedom. The last thing we owed him so much. He's been bound so long and now it was his time to be free. Free to leave by his own will and no master would rule him anymore.

'_He finally be his own master, even though it was in his death.'_ And I can't deny his last wish for it, no matter how selfish I want to. I know he suffered enough and I haven't known him better. What I felt for him till week before was resentment, but now, I wish I could have time to know him better in person. Feels his love for me freely when I finally found my real family. Me, him and Remus. When I finally understand everything, I'm losing it before I could grasp it in my hand.

Before, I don't really understand. The moment I ever saw him, I felt a close connection to him. Like he was somehow important to me but I know not what it was. I do everything I could to get his approval, doing my best to captured his attention to me. Now that I thought back, I hate him because he ignored me, treating me coldly when what I asked for him was recognition. Any attention I could get from him no matter how little it was, it made me so happy. I guess, without me knowing anything, my consciousness already told me something.

But now, the chances lose it self before my eyes, slipping through my finger before I could grasp it. Like Draco said _He loves you too much that he would do anything for you._ He even gave his life for me though I didn't know that he was my father. He done it freely, asking nothing in return. He even didn't told me anything about our relationship. No letter from him, nothing. If it's not for the letter from my adopted mother, Lily, I wouldn't even know about it.

I hate and love him in the same time. I hate him for not to telling me the truth by himself, but I know he done it to avoided any more suffering for me. When finally I had his arms around me, hugging me close and warm, it just for me to letting him go for eternity. I even didn't had any chance to called him father or even saying thank you so much for everything he did for me. I haven't had a chance to say that I'm proud to have him as my father and thank you for being my father.

My dad stepped forward and stayed behind me. "It's time to release him, son. Let's we say our final farewell to him." He said softly as he pats my shoulder, his voice soft and I know he too was suffering like I did. He had to letting go his beloved one and lives by himself one more time.

I looked back at him before I nodded, opening the urn and taking a handful of his ashes. "Goodbye, father. I hope you can see us from up there. I'm sorry for everything I did wrong to you and I hope in the future I can have an honor to be your son one more time and I thank you for everything." I whispered softly as I opened my fist, letting the wind carried his ashes from my palm. My heart knotted tightly as I watched his remain fly away, slipping though my finger to the air. My eyes burns but I fought my inner self to close my hand, still can't letting go of him.

Tears trailing down my cheek as I saw him gone little by a little, leaving me just an empty urn. I hold back my childish temptation to wail and break down. I can't. Not when my dad and my boyfriend was there with me. He wants me to be strong and protect everyone that I love left. It was the lesson he taught me. Protected and loves them unselfishly, just like he did. Even though it was hurt to do but if it was the best for them do it whole heartily. If you wish for a return for the love you give to them, then it's not love.

When you love someone, you should set them free. Making sure they're happy then you'll be happy with them. I know it, but it's so hard to do. I still can't let him go. I want him back, back to me, Remus and Draco. I want him to be here for us. I want my family no matter how late it was for us to mend but I want to try.

Can't I be selfish for once? I'm tired to understanding everything, being a hero when I don't want it. Can't be with my family when I want it. What sin I had that I have to lose one thing I wish the most. I asked nothing but a family. Is it wrong for me to asking it?

I bit my lips hard as a sobbed tore from my throat. A pair of arm wound at my shoulder, a warm body leaned on my back as a warm tears soak onto my robes.

"It's over, Harry. Let's go back home. He's free and happy now. Let him go for his sake." Croak voice whispered at my ear, an arm grasp my shoulder and turn me around. Leading me away from the cliff. I cried silently at my dads' chest as I leaned at him. He kisses my head softly as we walking away, going back to our home. His home. A place he bought for us to live. A small and beautiful house. My supposed childhood house. It's our house now.

His gift for me. Another proof that he love me. He left us with a very valuable treasure inside. His journal, his potion and my baby room he's been prepared for me before that mad man snatched his chance away. And the most valuable treasure for me was a single old photograph with a beautiful frame that I found in his vault. A photograph of him with me. A baby me. He smiled softly as he looked down at me, rocking me in his arms lovingly. His eyes filled with so much love and regret. An everlasting love for me, his son, and his greatest regret for losing me.

I swept my eyes and square my shoulder. I walk forward with a new purpose with my new family. My little tattered family. My dad, me and my beloved. Till the end, he could granted me my greatest wish. A family, no matter how wrong it was, a family without him in there but it still my family. My other dad and my soon to be spouse. His godson and his lover. I want to cherish every moment we have from now on. I don't want to regret anymore.

I want to make it work. Our little family. I want to make them as happy as they could and I'll be doing my best to make them more happy every single day.

'_This is my final goodbye, father. I know it was a selfish for me, but please protects all of us from up above. Watch us and I promised you that I would be living as best as I could. Then one day when my time was up, I could finally face you with proud. I'm gonna make you proud even it was the last thing I would do. I'll protect and make them happy as best as I could, dad and Draco. This I promise you.' _I talked silently on my mind as I looked over my shoulder, watching his final resting place one more time solemnly.

I nodded softly, "Let's we go home." I said firmly. I inhales deeply, warmth fills my chest when they tightened their arms from both of my side, trapping me in the middle of two side hug as dad kisses my head and my lover kisses my cheek lovingly. I smiles at both of them with reassurance as I hugged them back.

'_I love you, father. I hope you can hear me.'_

The end

A/N : I wonder if I should make a sequel for this story. Please give me your opinion about what you wish for me to do.. Story bout Harry & Draco after this tragedy or should I paired Remus with another person, but who? Please let me know what you thinking about. I'm waiting for your answer. Thanks for reading though..


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